Blitzcrank's Fleshling Compatibility Services
by Meatyowllegs
Summary: Follows the lore behind Blitzcrank's dating services. After Garen and Jarvan get paired up with female champions in the league, they start on the chaotic journey of love. Will Blitzcrank's matches be accurate, or will the couples fall apart. First League fanfiction. Garen x Kat, Jarvan IV x Ahri.
1. Prologue

**Hello everyone, its been a year and a half. huehuehue My writing changed quite a bit. I will try to finish this fanfiction during the summer. no more OCs btw. **

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The league has always been a quirky place. But with bustling activity each day, it was hard for all the champions to be interconnected with each other. There are unbreakable friendships, however, that carried from times before the League was formed. One, for example, was the pair of Jarvan and Garen. On the outside, they were the shining examples of Demacia with unfaltering loyalty and an unwavering sense of just. But to their parents, they were miserably failing at what they were doing.

Garen recalled a conversation he had with his mother. Lilia Crownguard has always been a demanding woman and in her mind, the success of her son relied on his ability to bring honor to the family. Military duty, yes. Her son was a prodigy. But carrying on the Crownguard tradition? No, her son was completely clueless. Not only is he clueless, he also refuses to take part in any social events that Lilia organizes. "Duty above everything" was what Garen told his mother. But in truth, Garen was as clueless as his mother deemed him to be. Not in the sense that he doesn't want to marry, but more like the fact that he didn't like any of his options. Jarvan, in this situation, was a source of invaluable help; listing out all the Demacian nobles, Jarvan would agree that none of them suited Garen. Fiora, was probably the best option, but Garen preferred to have someone less self-absorbed. Then, there was Jarvan's self-righteous cousin, who Jarvan couldn't even stand. It was a great political match and would even further strengthen the relationship between the Crownguard and the Lightshield, but Garen secretly found her personality appalling and her appearance unattractive.

For Jarvan, it was probably worse; he was the crown prince and everyone, not just his father, cared about his love life. His wife, obviously, will be the Demacian Queen one day. His father often suggested Lux, but she was more of a sister than anything. Along with Garen, they grew up together and she was always the sister that Jarvan wished he had. Then there was the option of diplomatic marriages. However, Jarvan found company in Shyvana one of the elite guards of Demacia. His father vehemently disapproved. Eventually, Shyvana broke up with Jarvan. And Jarvan was left as clueless as ever.

* * *

"This would be a great opportunity, come on Garen," Lux begged, while in the cafeteria. "Plus, Blitzcrank will love you for helping him test out his algorithm. You know how nice he is."

A bored look stretched over Garen's face, "Just eat your sandwich Lux. Forget it, I'm not going to do the questionnaire."

"Garen, you're 28, and you never even talk to any girls." Jarvan sneered.

"Your not any better Jarvan. You haven't talked to any since you and Shyvana broke up." Garen poked back.

"Mother will at least be satisfied that your trying Garen. And it's not like your being paired with some random girl. It's done by an algorithm, it won't fail." Lux chimed in.

After hearing something about getting his mother off his back, Garen finally relinquished, "Fine, pass me the brochure."

"Jarvan, why don't you do it along with my brother, it'll help get you over Shyvana." Jarvan sighed. Lux, as demanding as always, he thought.

* * *

"Why did we agree to this Jarvan? We would be at Gragas' pub right now, enjoying our Friday night." Garen buried his head in his hands.

"I swear your mom rubs off on your sister. How does she always order us around?"

"748 questions, this is going to be a long night."

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2 days later

Blitzcrank's Fleshling Compatibilities Services was a major success within the League walls. Nearly all League champions had signed up. Of course, as Blitzcrank compiled all the data, some champions simply didn't have a match, while others had extremely compatible pairings.

Garen groaned as he woke up to a loud bang on the door.

"BLITZCRANK'S FLESHLING COMPATIBILITY SERVICES" boomed a mechanical voice outside.

As Garen walked opened the door, he felt a bit giddy and as much as he hated to admit, was rather excited to see the results. Blitzcrank gave him another copy of the questionnaire, written with an elegant but austere handwriting. On top, there was a signature. _Katarina Du Couteau. _As Garen read through the answers that Kat gave, a piece of paper fell down. He bent over and picked it up.

_Dear Garen, the Might of Demacia,_

_Your answers had a 99.86% compatibility rate with Katarina's answers. As the pair with the highest compatibility rate, I will be publishing these results in the next Journal of Justice issue. Thank you for choosing the Fleshling Compatibility Services._

_Blitzcrank_

After Garen thanked Blitzcrank, Blitzcrank waved and rolled off. Blitzcrank's algorithm must've been wrong, Garen thought. Noxus and Demacia certainly didn't match up. The values that they uphold are completely different. How can there be a 99.86% compatibility rate? Whatever. He tossed the scroll to a corner in his room.

* * *

Lux caught up with her older brother for breakfast. "Who did you get, Garen?" she pestered.

"It doesn't matter. I think Blitzcrank's algorithm is flawed. Don't worry about it, I'll probably just follow Mother's plans now," sulked Garen.

"Please, come on, it won't hurt if you tell me." Lux jabbed at his arm.

"No, I told u, it won't work out. Blitzcrank's algorithm probably failed."

"But you had the highest compatibility rate… the algorithm must've worked."

"Fine, Katarina!"

"Oh." Lux looked shocked. She was sure it would be someone more appropriate for Garen. But then on the other hand, Kat was one of the few Noxian friends that she has. "That'll be quite a problem."

"You happy now, Lux. Now, I will have to tell mom. And there's no way I can explain this to her."

"Why don't you try and just ask Kat out for a date. There's a reason why you two are the most compatible couple. And plus, you don't need to tell mother that she's a Noxian. Just mention that she's a noble and mother will probably be satisfied."

Maybe he should try a date with Katarina. She's quite attractive and she's a great sparring partner, he thought. Honor, he thought, dating Kat would not bring honor to the Crownguards. He'll be disowned and exiled. The Vanguards would hate him as well. No, he said to himself, I can't do this.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jarvan sat at his desk, looking over the results. Ahri, 93.12% compatible. He sighed. This would not go well with Jarvan III. In truth, however, Jarvan did like Ahri, she was probably the most attractive champion in the League, but then there's the problem with her personality. From rumors, Jarvan automatically associated her as a flighty girl. Jumping around from one boy toy to another; so that wouldn't be good for Demacia's image, would it?

A small knock on the door. "Your Majesty, I have a letter from the King." Jarvan sighed, his father probably already knows about this.

He opened the door and forced a fake smile, "Thank you." Taking the letter from the messenger's hand, he read,

_My Dearest Son,_  
_I saw your application to Blitzcrank's Fleshling Compatibility Services. I have to say, although your application accurately reflected your character, the results certainly did not. For once, please do our family a service and find a normal girl to marry. Remember Jarvan, I am the King and you will be one day as well. I'm sure if you would find company in any other Demacian girl and not that devilish fox. If you would not even take Lux into consideration, there are other possibilities and they would all love to keep you company. Of course, I would prefer if you married a noblewoman but I cannot bear to see the future queen as anything but human. Now, you are scheduled to come back in one month. By that time, either you find a nice and normal girl, or we would have to settle for an arranged marriage._  
_Your father, with love, as always,_  
_Jarvan III_

Jarvan looked back at Blitzcrank's questionnaire, maybe dating Ahri wouldn't be such a bad idea.

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**R&amp;R plz. Thx. Flames will be used to make cookies for good reviews... (::)(::)(::)**


	2. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, new update. Enjoy! Tell me what you guys want next.**

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Of course it had to be Garen; it was the world's way of administering poetic justice. But 99.86% compatible, that was a tad overboard wasn't it? It would've been better if it was around 70%, 50% would be even better. At that point, she would just accept that she's not compatible with anyone, afterall, she's not really the type of girl that a guy would want for more than a night. It was all Cass's fault then, without her, she wouldn't be here in front of Garen's room with this dilemma.

She could always just turn back, but no, Katarina DuCouteau does not give up. She knocked. No answer. Great, this was the perfect excuse for Cass; she came and he wasn't there.

"Hey Kat," yelled a bubbly girl running down the hall. "You must be looking for my brother. He's at the cafeteria."

"Thanks Lux." So much for having an excuse. At least Garen's sister was nice; she was one of the few Demacians that she tolerated. Lux couldn't be considered her best friend, but she was definitely close with Lux. Sometimes, she envied Lux's carefree nature.

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When she arrived at the cafeteria, Garen was munching on some kind of Demacian fruit. She studied him from a distance. Cupping the fruit in his hand, Garen wasn't really biting into it; he was just sucking onto the fruit. Kat laughed, who knew the battle-hardened commander was such a man-child.

She slammed down Blitzcrank's result paper on the table. "We need to talk about this."

"Huh?"

"Look, we can both go to Blitzcrank and ask for a rematch."

"But what if I like you Kat?"

"I… uh… Not a chance Garen." Kat blushed.

Beside Garen, Jarvan chuckled as he pulled out the terms and conditions of Blitzcrank's compatibility service.

_1\. NO REMATCHES_

_2\. COUPLES MUST GO ON A FIRST DATE_

_3\. COUPLES MUST INTRODUCE EACH OTHER TO THEIR FAMILIES_

"Have fun Garen." With that Jarvan stood up and left.

Dumfounded, Garen dropped his fruit from his mouth, just as Katarina caught it in mid-air and shoved it back into Garen's mouth. "Wake up, kitten, we're going on a date tonight." With that, Katarina sauntered off. Garen dropped his fruit again. Damn, Kat have some really nice curves.

* * *

Jarvan, for one, was looking forward to his date, although he had not arranged it yet. But Blitzcrank's parent introduction policy? He was definitely not looking forwards to that. Thinking of his father's letter, he thought about replying back. But it wouldn't matter anyways; his father will most definitely not change his mind. He met most of the single Demacian noblewomen and while he slept with a few of them, none of them proved to be good long-term companions. Jarvan opened his door, dropped his lunch bag and took off his shirt.

"Ahem" Jarvan turned around only to see Ahri perched on the edge of his bed. "As much as I like to see your abs, don't you think it would be nice if you had your shirt on at least for our first talk? And what's with the lunch bag, does your mom still pack your lunch?"

"Umm… no… Lux packs my lunch." Jarvan scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Humph, that's not any better. Anyways, we have lots to talk about, so sit down and make yourself at home."

"You do know that this is my room right?"

"But I suppose your mom must've taught you how to be a gentleman. So, you're going to sit on the chair while I get the more comfortable seat," quipped Ahri.

"So, umm, we have to go on a date, right?"

"Yeah, but you know, Prince Boy, that it could be more than a date if you want." Ahri winked. Jarvan blushed. "It's okay, I wouldn't dare defaming Demacia's unspoiled prince. Anyways, I'll pick you up at 7, I've made reservations already."

As Ahri left Jarvan's room, she ran into Katarina. "Kat, what are you doing here in the Demacian quarters?"

"Umm… I have to ask someone out for a date because of Blitzcrank's stupid algorithm," replied Katarina in a hushed tone.

"With Garen?" Kat nodded. "I've heard, you two have the best compatibility ratios. I have to admit, Garen is totally a hottie, but you two would be adorable together." Kat blushed. "See you like him, don't you?"

"What… No! He's Garen. I would rather stick a knife between his eyes than date him." Kat replied weakly.

"Hey, I have a date with Jarvan today. You wanna make it a double date?"

"Uhh, sure. It would save all the awkwardness as well. Thanks Ahri."

"Sure, I'll see you at 7."

* * *

Garen came back to his dorm sweating after his workout. Swinging open the door, he saw a note fly up. _Date at 7_, it read. Oh boy, it was already 5.

As soon as he was done showering, he stood in front of his closet. This was a first date, what should he wear. Maybe his usual yellow and blue t-shirt or maybe his official military ceremony dress. He'll definitely need Lux for this one.

* * *

Garen stood outside Lux's door with Jarvan, he knocked.

Lux opened the door and sighed. "What will you two do without me? I'm like 7 years younger than both of you and you guys still need my help to get dressed."

On Lux's bed, laid two perfectly tailored suits. "I knew you guys were coming. Here, this one's for you Garen," Lux handed Garen a black suit with a bowtie. "Your pants are there. And this one's for you Jarvan. I'm sure Ahri would love this." Lux handed Jarvan an identical black suit with a blue tie.

"Hey, why does Jarvan get a tie?"

"Brother, you'll get food all over your tie. Remember what happened last year at the Royal Ball?" Lux answered and Jarvan laughed.

Last year's Royal Ball was not pretty for Garen. His mother forced him to take a young noblewoman as his date. And the whole night was spent listening to the self-indulgent girl talk about her bright her prospective future was. And when the girl asked Garen to propose to her, Garen choked and spewed out his drink. It wasn't even food, and he most definitely wasn't at fault, but his mother blamed him for ruining his white shirt and more importantly, the evening of his date. It didn't really help when Jarvan told him that the girl was his cousin. Luckily, Jarvan was able to get his cousin temporarily off of Garen's back; after all, he knew Garen could do better than his second-rate cousin.

Garen grimaced at the memory. It certainly wasn't a pretty one. Lux handed him a bouquet of roses. "When Kat comes, give her these flowers. And say something nice about her."

"Sure, whatever you say Lux."

"No, I'm serious. Say something nice. Compliment her or something. Just do what mother usually tells you to do. And Jarvan, don't brag about your Crown Prince status. Talk about stuff that you think Ahri would want to talk about." Lux huffed.

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Outside the room, Kat and Ahri were knocking on Garen's and Jarvan's dorms. No answer. It wasn't the girls who were late this time was it? Kat tried Lux's door. And the door swung open to the bouncing perky girl dragging Garen and Jarvan out.

"Hey Kat. Here's your date. And Ahri, here's yours. Have fun!" Lux beamed and quickly shut the door behind her. "My brother is finally going on a real date! Mother would be so proud. He's finally going to carry on the Crownguard tradition in one way or another." Lux squealed. Yes, her mother would be proud except for the fact that a Noxian was his date. Oh well, that'll be for her to find out for herself.

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**A/N: Hope you guys liked it. Suggestions are welcomed as always. Thanks for the good reviews last chapter. R&amp;R. Flames will be used to make cookies for good reviews. (::) (::) (::)**


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